Saturday 5 April 2014

How to survive Quaker Meeting?

It took me many years before I finally got used to our local Quaker Meeting. Although at heart I knew this was the right place for me to be, sticking at it was always going to be, a struggle.

For a start there was that very well intentioned "picket line" of Quakers waiting to greet other Quakers to get past. This challenge was made considerable harder as I was particularly lacking in self confidence at the time. There might be several weeks, even months between my visits (the recovery time varies!). Each time I went someone would ask if I was coming for the first time so I never got the impression of making much progress. It may have seemed like a friendly gesture when a Quaker would ask, "So how did you come to hear about Quakers?", but I used to shrink well back down into my shoes, as if my spiritual journey until this point needed to be explained, there was a standard to be met, and I had suddenly been caught out for doing something wrong!

Even now there would seem to be rather a lot of intellectually minded individuals among Quakers. In those early days, ministry often seemed to involve some book everyone else had read. Those complex ministries could be really scary so I tried to see the funny side, imagining all these weighty friends eating a dictionary for breakfast. There were many times I would wonder "What on earth am I doing in this room surrounded by people who do not seem very like me?" To compensate I probably tried a little too hard, hoping that the right impression might encourage all these people who seemed quite a bit older than myself to see a better side of me. It was possible to feel a little envious of new-comers who would introduce themselves with confidence before notices to say how happy they were to be there and that they had found their spiritual home.

Perhaps there really were other Quakers sitting in that room at the time wondering what everyone else was thinking. This curiosity about everybody elses' well-being made me wonder about my spiritual performance and if I was doing it right. I can recall some meetings when it seemed a particularly good idea to use the experience of having been brought up in the Anglican Church as an opportunity for prayer. After I had brought before God my sins, everyone I think of, the government, Queen, the sick, suffering and even dead (saints or otherwise), to my absolute horror, only about a quarter of an hour had passed! With no back-up strategy, I wondered whether it would seem at all disrespectful to repeat my prayers or if God would prefer me to discretely look around the room and listen out for snoring.

At times I would use the silence to plan the rest of my life, usually beginning with the next item on my agenda which was Sunday dinner. This was not a complete solution, and Meeting for Worship can make you very hungry. The moment everyone had shaken hands, I would evade conversation over a single polite biscuit, to head off home with plans for such a slap-up meal very precisely fixed in my mind, much to my husband's approval!

It's strange how any kind of noise can seem so much louder in Meeting. In the world outside Quakers, no one notices if you cough, but here the building seems designed for any possible sound to bounce loudly and repeatedly of any available wall. For some unscientific reason, tummies always seem to rumble louder, so you have to be alert, ready pull in your stomach muscles, then turn to look at the person next you, pretending it wasn't you!

To compound these problems, Quakers can be particularly plain speaking when it comes to expressing an opinion. The advantage of this characteristic is that you always know where you stand, and the disadvantage is that you would rather be standing somewhere else if you happen to disagree.
The most dangerous hazzard however comes with ministry. As if this wasn't enough to deliver in the first place, (and I can well understand Jonah!) Quakers have a tendency to come up to you afterwards, apologise for not having heard you properly and ask for you to repeat the whole lot again. If you begin a ministry by speaking as loud as you are able, it sounds a bit like yelling. Then everyone in the room looks startled as if they have all just received an electric shock, turns around with an expression of deep concentration and LOOKS!

My situation improved quite considerable when a member of our Meeting took it upon herself to get to know me. This was not an easy task. I will always be very grateful for her pro-active non-judgemental but also very tenacious approach to terrified attenders! Through her interest in me and the gift of her time, I gradually came to feel valued. For me this was a very important beginning. I steadily came to believe that there was nothing wrong with being me, that it was Ok to be a little different and have a sense of humour.
Instead of talking about what was assumed common ground, we talked talk about a range of subjects, exploring many possibilities. Eventually, a shared interest in Kent County Cricket Club enabled me to stay at meeting!





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